full speed ahead

is it finally happening? i don't know... if it is, it's happening at super lightning speed. things are falling into place at an unexpected pace. i have had no time to process all this at all.

it's funny... i am nearing to finally achieve what i have yearned for all these years, instead of being thrilled, i am ready to turn around and run away from it. it frightens me to no end thinking about the prospects of yet another change. it takes every strength in my being to stand my ground and face this opportunity head on.

people constantly confirmed that this is a fantastic opportunity and that it may not come knocking again. i absolutely agree! but what is this jumbled up feeling? i guess i'm really worried if i could really do the job well or not... but more so of leaving or breaking relationships... not being able to watch my niece and nephew grow up, and the fact that i am leaving at a very inconvenient time for my current employer does play a big role as well. my sense of responsibility and loyalty is making me bear the full weight of it's guilt.

last night, during a sleepless night chat with one of my good friends, she came up with something that i really need to chant to myself everyday... "you need to prioritize yourself coz no one else will". i knew this, but it felt like a re-discovery of a revelation when she actually said it. for some reason, it felt really comforting.

i found myself chanting it to sleep. i will continue to chant it until it all works out... stay or go... whatever will be, will be...