broken pair of wings

Did you ever get an emotion you had no idea where it stems from? Something that comes out and eats at you out of no where, but the depths of your subconscious. I got that. This burning anger and desperation for something I don't have in my life. I see others with it and I'd like to wish them well but I can't. Maybe in time... But not just right now.

Comfort in my sad machine. My brain juice is spinning, taking me back to a place I don't want to be. Is this feeling jealousy? Is it regret? I have no idea. My wings are not working and I am stuck on the ground, staring again at the sky I am reluctant to soar in. I curse the sky that taunts me with its open roads and opportunities.

This will pass... It usually does. I have to let go and let the mental poison heal, then the wings will start to motion again. The blind energy is such a drug, inviting me to take more of its seduction... Seduction to nothing. I'll move on, slow like honey. This energy is so raw and unexpected... It's even inspired me to write all this. How can we not love our misery? Only when we love our intangible joys. So the air will heal my pain? My dreams offer even less shelter because it's there that all my pain lays dormant.