tralfamadorean
On my laptop the clock says 22:19 because the system isn't set up to automatically adjust to time changes, while my android says 00:19. I'm sitting in the house I used to live in, in the room I've stayed up typing on, on the bed I sat on for years some time ago. The time passed shouldn't be enough to make me forget, and I have not forgotten what life was like, because right now at this very moment, it feels as if I hadn't left at all. Life feels like picking up where I left off. I don't feel like a stranger in my own home, I don't feel detached to anything I've touched here, time has not broken my ties with life here at all. I talk the same, walk the same, think the same, feel the same. Being in Brisbane feels like second nature. What had happened in the past few years or so feels, at this very moment, a dream... a crazy dream.
But it was all real and it all happened.
This is no longer my house, home isn't really mine, my room doesn't feel like my own, except for some useless stuff that I had left behind. Life just keeps moving, changes keep on happening, and I have to keep on going. I can't see where home will be in the next year or few years, because I'm still chasing the feeling I've set out for years ago. I will probably continue chasing until I've run out of steam, and I hope that when I stop chasing, wherever I'll be will be a comfortable and warm place to be with kind and gentle souls to keep me company. I hope home will be exactly where I need it to be.
I wish I had more adequate words to describe the feelings I'm going through right now, but I can't seem to find them in the order I need them to be. All that has happened in the span of a year have changed me in ways I had never though possible. So much has happened and involving so many people that felt like it took years to come to pass. I've made friends, lost friends, met allies, found enemies, found love, lost love, broke love... and still my heart manages to beat. The rest swirls around me like a tornado. In a couple of weeks I'll be flying back to my other temporary home, and this place becomes the dream, shifting realities like flipping a coin.
Do you know? Do you understand? That time and space live inside me? That beginning and end have already existed, and I am just a time traveler? Blink of an eye, and I am years older. Or an infant. Or an adolescent. Or on my deathbed.
But it was all real and it all happened.
This is no longer my house, home isn't really mine, my room doesn't feel like my own, except for some useless stuff that I had left behind. Life just keeps moving, changes keep on happening, and I have to keep on going. I can't see where home will be in the next year or few years, because I'm still chasing the feeling I've set out for years ago. I will probably continue chasing until I've run out of steam, and I hope that when I stop chasing, wherever I'll be will be a comfortable and warm place to be with kind and gentle souls to keep me company. I hope home will be exactly where I need it to be.
I wish I had more adequate words to describe the feelings I'm going through right now, but I can't seem to find them in the order I need them to be. All that has happened in the span of a year have changed me in ways I had never though possible. So much has happened and involving so many people that felt like it took years to come to pass. I've made friends, lost friends, met allies, found enemies, found love, lost love, broke love... and still my heart manages to beat. The rest swirls around me like a tornado. In a couple of weeks I'll be flying back to my other temporary home, and this place becomes the dream, shifting realities like flipping a coin.
Do you know? Do you understand? That time and space live inside me? That beginning and end have already existed, and I am just a time traveler? Blink of an eye, and I am years older. Or an infant. Or an adolescent. Or on my deathbed.
