ending 2009

The year is coming to an end and that time for reflection is starting to ruminate through my head. I've just skimmed through old emails, chat logs, calendar, and notes dating back from the end of 2007. That's when it all started. To think that 2010 is upon us, where will it all take us next? It's curious that we think we move on from past events because the recent ones are what matters, but what remains of us from the past is what brought us here. I questioned how quickly I was able to move on from past experiences, both positive and negative, thinking that perhaps I was really not emotionally invested in people, in nodal events when they really happened. How quickly I forget? But upon reading what was recorded, as a means of proof that they did indeed happen, every bit of those emotions come flooding back into me. And I am altogether happy and sad... and realize how real, how completely enveloped I was in those moments.

2008 was more forgiving, but still threw me in a loop. 2009 was full of trials. Now the ending is near for this year's chapter, I am left with a kind of reserved joy, a sort of bitter sweet.

When it comes down to it... I really do measure in love.