around the corner
There's never enough hours in a day...
I've been extremely busy. I suppose that a good thing. Idleness drives me insane. Work has picked up tremendously, keeping me on edge. Although it stresses me out, I suppose it keeps life more interesting.
I've been feeling rather uneasy for a while. At first the string of misfortune that happened upon myself (which I won't elaborate on) got me rather foul in mood. This really puts the cherry on top of my sundae of doom. My emotional stability was rather shaken, which explains a lot of my anxiety. Digging deeper though, I realized that there was an anxiety in me similar to guilt or resentment of self. Where it stemmed from was rather obvious, but was not clear to me until I gave it some serious thought, which was that the Australian in me was conflicting with my recent decisions that might make me more permanent of an Japanese-Gaijin: getting to live in my own little studio, refurnishing and decorating it, essentially starting a life, growing roots. This will disappoint my friends back home and let down hopes of me returning home anytime soon.
My default plan prior to moving here was to give it a go for a year, and thereafter moving elsewhere to experience other countries or even return to Australia. What I never could have guessed was that I would meet and develop strong relationships with many awesome people here, and living in a nice little studio of my own. Lo and behold, time slipped right by me and my one year mark is just around the corner. It baffles me how quickly a year had gone by. It has been awhile since I've visited home, and it made me nervous. As if the ground beneath my feet, the very ground that I knew to love and hate were slipping away from me, and I must jump to this other new ground. In essence, since I have many attachments to home still, Australia inside me was fighting for attention and resented that I chose Japan.
I hope my visit in December would quiet that part of me. And also I hope to finally settle in some and find more time to take up some leisure activities.
Otherwise things are dandy!
I've been extremely busy. I suppose that a good thing. Idleness drives me insane. Work has picked up tremendously, keeping me on edge. Although it stresses me out, I suppose it keeps life more interesting.
I've been feeling rather uneasy for a while. At first the string of misfortune that happened upon myself (which I won't elaborate on) got me rather foul in mood. This really puts the cherry on top of my sundae of doom. My emotional stability was rather shaken, which explains a lot of my anxiety. Digging deeper though, I realized that there was an anxiety in me similar to guilt or resentment of self. Where it stemmed from was rather obvious, but was not clear to me until I gave it some serious thought, which was that the Australian in me was conflicting with my recent decisions that might make me more permanent of an Japanese-Gaijin: getting to live in my own little studio, refurnishing and decorating it, essentially starting a life, growing roots. This will disappoint my friends back home and let down hopes of me returning home anytime soon.
My default plan prior to moving here was to give it a go for a year, and thereafter moving elsewhere to experience other countries or even return to Australia. What I never could have guessed was that I would meet and develop strong relationships with many awesome people here, and living in a nice little studio of my own. Lo and behold, time slipped right by me and my one year mark is just around the corner. It baffles me how quickly a year had gone by. It has been awhile since I've visited home, and it made me nervous. As if the ground beneath my feet, the very ground that I knew to love and hate were slipping away from me, and I must jump to this other new ground. In essence, since I have many attachments to home still, Australia inside me was fighting for attention and resented that I chose Japan.
I hope my visit in December would quiet that part of me. And also I hope to finally settle in some and find more time to take up some leisure activities.
Otherwise things are dandy!
