therapy
A good friend told me that I should re-evaluate and reconsider all the positive things I have going on in my life right now, as a means to eradicate this anxiety that's been somewhat of an inconvenience for the past few days, weeks. There was a time when I had balance, kept my composure, and was free from fear. I don't know where it all went. So I'm going to retrace my steps a bit...
First my concerns:
I'm nervous about the future. I mean who isn't right now? The economy is crap and won't get better any time soon. So job security is of utmost priority. I'm nervous about my parents' health. I'm nervous about my brother's situation, my sister's progress, their futures. I'm nervous about my friends' futures and their jobs. I'm nervous about my future. I guess that last part has been the most exhausting of my anxieties. With job frustrations and uncertain terms of employment, my yearning to constantly go traveling, the logistics of it all, they all add up to quite a lot of pressure. Having a habit of always looking far ahead, I tend to get caught up in future plans and forget what I have now. I've been questioning my career goals and where I'll be, where it'll lead me in the next two, five, ten years, if I still will want to keep going with it. There's been a stagnance in my personal creative output, and any explanation would be an excuse. So I'll spare myself the trouble of justifying the lack of creation. I feel uneasy when I'm unproductive.
Now my comforts:
I'm happy I'm alive, though I can do better on the sleep front. I'm happy I've made a circle of amazing friends that got my back when in time of need. I'm happy I'll be an aunt soon. I'm happy I have a place to live, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, and a job that keeps me alive and well. I'm happy I'm alive. And lastly I'm happy I have wonderful friends that cares for me and genuinely wants to spend a good amount of time with me in this lifetime. And while many of them are far away and our long distance situation is a bit of inconvenience, at the very least, I HAVE THEM, which is more than a lot of people can say. And have I not said before that I wanted to achieve more if not the same my parents had when they were my age? To overcome boundaries and difficulties in times of crises? So... I'm thankful to be alive, to be well, to be loved. And this anxiety is for naught if not tiresome and repetitive.
+++
I may very well just be exhausted from the Summer School bonanza that has been going on since before the CM, and I woke up rather early this morning because of prepping anxieties.
So exhaustion + inadequate sleep cycles + work anxiety = emotional haywire.
First my concerns:
I'm nervous about the future. I mean who isn't right now? The economy is crap and won't get better any time soon. So job security is of utmost priority. I'm nervous about my parents' health. I'm nervous about my brother's situation, my sister's progress, their futures. I'm nervous about my friends' futures and their jobs. I'm nervous about my future. I guess that last part has been the most exhausting of my anxieties. With job frustrations and uncertain terms of employment, my yearning to constantly go traveling, the logistics of it all, they all add up to quite a lot of pressure. Having a habit of always looking far ahead, I tend to get caught up in future plans and forget what I have now. I've been questioning my career goals and where I'll be, where it'll lead me in the next two, five, ten years, if I still will want to keep going with it. There's been a stagnance in my personal creative output, and any explanation would be an excuse. So I'll spare myself the trouble of justifying the lack of creation. I feel uneasy when I'm unproductive.
Now my comforts:
I'm happy I'm alive, though I can do better on the sleep front. I'm happy I've made a circle of amazing friends that got my back when in time of need. I'm happy I'll be an aunt soon. I'm happy I have a place to live, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, and a job that keeps me alive and well. I'm happy I'm alive. And lastly I'm happy I have wonderful friends that cares for me and genuinely wants to spend a good amount of time with me in this lifetime. And while many of them are far away and our long distance situation is a bit of inconvenience, at the very least, I HAVE THEM, which is more than a lot of people can say. And have I not said before that I wanted to achieve more if not the same my parents had when they were my age? To overcome boundaries and difficulties in times of crises? So... I'm thankful to be alive, to be well, to be loved. And this anxiety is for naught if not tiresome and repetitive.
+++
I may very well just be exhausted from the Summer School bonanza that has been going on since before the CM, and I woke up rather early this morning because of prepping anxieties.
So exhaustion + inadequate sleep cycles + work anxiety = emotional haywire.
