known rather than seen
Above is my single and only resolution even though I hate the fuckin' things. In translation my resolution is this: I don't want to live to be seen anymore, I want to live to be known. I want to live in a real way, a way that goes beyond appearances. I still want to be amazingly pleased with the new life I've started... with a lot of things that are going considerably well right now... but something keeps pushing me. Something tells me more, more, more. I might very well wander for a very long time--and not always in the literal way.
This partly comes from all my recent experiences, the most prominent of which is having spent sometime and change with friends before I left, and they said that they have been watching me... the huge mop of hair bounce around in the world. We're having good times and I learned a little bit more about life from people who are not my family but we've really been fairly close. But they only started understanding me once they let go--they only started understanding what I believe about life once they let me be the way I am. They tried to communicate with me about things but I wouldn't or couldn't tell them what I believe if anything at all. In other words, they tried to talk with me the way that most "normal" people talk to one another. Most people, when you express an intelligent interest in their life, usually are quite pleased to talk all about it, and I am pleased to listen.
Them and I don't work that way. They have had to observe it without words. They had to observe it in my interactions with the world. They had to walk with me on my turf. They had to forget how they normally investigate people and just live it with me a bit. It's strange because we've grown so much alike through our longtime friendship but in so many respects we are different in ways only them and I will know.
Until then, I, the mop of hair will continue to bounce around and shit will work out.
This partly comes from all my recent experiences, the most prominent of which is having spent sometime and change with friends before I left, and they said that they have been watching me... the huge mop of hair bounce around in the world. We're having good times and I learned a little bit more about life from people who are not my family but we've really been fairly close. But they only started understanding me once they let go--they only started understanding what I believe about life once they let me be the way I am. They tried to communicate with me about things but I wouldn't or couldn't tell them what I believe if anything at all. In other words, they tried to talk with me the way that most "normal" people talk to one another. Most people, when you express an intelligent interest in their life, usually are quite pleased to talk all about it, and I am pleased to listen.
Them and I don't work that way. They have had to observe it without words. They had to observe it in my interactions with the world. They had to walk with me on my turf. They had to forget how they normally investigate people and just live it with me a bit. It's strange because we've grown so much alike through our longtime friendship but in so many respects we are different in ways only them and I will know.
Until then, I, the mop of hair will continue to bounce around and shit will work out.
